Now that we have seen that what is underneath procrastination is the fact that we are still more, much more interested in avoiding unpleasantness, humiliation, etc. than moving towards some purpose.
And avoiding unpleasantness, will, at best, keep you the same… no movement.
From the pdf of the last procrastination article, we saw, that unless you can invent a yummy enough goal, something important enough to go for, you will not be able to move from dead center. Bottom line: procrastination is not a behavioral issue, it is a perfect illustration of physics: if the energies on a body are in balance, the body will not move, unless it was already in movement before the balance.
Which simply means that if you are not moving: what would move you forward is only balancing the energy that wants to keep you the same.
The famous business coach who wrote the pdf suggests increasing the energy of the goal, the energy that would move you forward.
I dare to differ: I have been around long enough to know that the approach will not work, can’t work, and is doomed to fail.
While it will be making money for the coach, the counselor, the teacher, it will not work for the unfortunate client, who is now a victim of the guides not knowing how a human being works inside, energetically.
They do not know about the different aspects of a human being, and if they do, they know what everybody is teaching, which is bs, not true, not even close to the truth.
I have said it before, and at the risk of repeating myself and sound boring, I will say it again:
The human being’s aspects: body, mind, feelings, emotions, subconscious, ego, soul, will, Self, awareness, consciousness, and witness need to be taken into consideration: they are all working for their particular self-interest, and they constitute the energies that either keep you moving or stop you dead on your tracks. [note]if you look at the illustration, the whole scenario is a lot like Gulliver’s situation in Lilliput. Gulliver was an British chap whose ship sunk, and he was washed ashore in a strange land: Lilliput, inhabited by tiny people. Apart from their size they were much like the people of Britain of the time. They tied down Gulliver, and blocked his actions any way they could. Only when Gulliver endeared himself to them, made a covenant with them, that they started to let him move freely. And so are your different aspects behaving until you make a covenant with them, and establish your superior status in the hierarchy. By the way, I read the Gulliver books about 60 years ago, so if I remember what happened wrong, I apologize. the above story supported my point… Stay with me, please.[/note]
The ego will work diligently to return you to square one. The soul will work diligently to push you to fly. The emotions/feeling with the mind’s help will work to avoid repeating anything unpleasant. And so on, and so forth.
If you paid attention above, (if not, go back and read the previous paragraph again) the key to moving is in that sentence. Or better said, the keys.
Now, in spite of what everyone believes, the human being’s aspects have a hierarchy: there is a boss, and then there are servants. Observing almost any human in the 21st century, you will not be able to witness it: it seems to be a lost knowledge. Maybe this is the reason human beings on any level of income are so miserable, the lack of this knowledge.
The hierarchy of your inner aspects
We’ll now look for the Real You, the boss, and all the aspects that are there to serve the Real You.
How do you locate the Real You? After all, all your aspects seem to be bunched together, like a hydra with 10 heads, each aspect with its own agenda, battling it out, unless there is a stronger, unifying force uniting them against a common enemy or in the service of a common goal.
Let’s look at a scenario that we all know: you having an argument in your head, or maybe even out loud, but there is no one in the room.
The two voices are not coming from the same place, from the same aspect, from the same head of the hydra. One voice is the Self, and the other is some other aspect, the mind, the subconscious, the soul, the ego… Just like the computer isn’t talking to itself, no aspect of you is going to talk to itself: it doesn’t need to. But if it wants to win an argument, if it wants the whole hydra move in the direction that one head suggests, it needs to talk to the other aspects and justify why its agenda should be followed by all the other heads.
If you can accept that this is quite an accurate description of what’s going on inside you, then continue. If not: don’t bother.
Now, using the fact that the different aspects can battle it out, consider that you are the Self, one of the heads, and consider accepting and honoring the job title: boss, and start re-establishing the relationship with your different aspects.
Start with connecting to the ego. Why the ego? Because it is the easiest relationship to establish.
The hardest battle you’ll fight will be with the mind, because it is the sneakiest s.o.b. pretending to be you. It isn’t. And it isn’t your friend either. It’s the type of employee who thinks that he is smarter than you, and sabotages your every decision, only to take your company to the brink of bankruptcy.
Let’s consider that the task you want to accomplish is worthy of your effort, i.e. it’s not easy.
My experience has been that the winning solutions are only apparent when you get to a point that appears to you hopeless. This is where you normally give up, retreat, and lick your wounds.
But if you just hang in a little longer, without panic, the solution will become visible. I have tested it thousands of times, and (unless I was trying to rig the machine, i.e. made thoughtless, rushed, stupid steps to get to this point faster, which you will try too, you sly animal, you, lol) that at the point of “it’s over” suddenly a move becomes visible, and that leads to more moves and ultimately to success.
Why won’t it be visible before? Why isn’t it smooth sailing, a straight forward path? Because the ego won’t cooperate. Let me explain:
Your ego has only one job, and it does it very well. Its job is to keep you alive, keep you safe, keep you the same.
Every change, change of yourself, change of circumstances, activate the defenses of the ego and make you go back to how it was before you attempted to either change or change your circumstances, like starting a project of your own.
One of ego’s tools is filter… your winning path will become hidden from your view, filtered out, because taking the winning path is change, and the ego isn’t built to support that. It is built to block that.
So, what is the solution? How can you still do projects, and change yourself or your circumstances?
In my experience, the following works:
- Step 1: you connect to your Ego (I teach that in the connection call recordings) and if it is appropraite on the coaching calls
- Step 2: you have a conversation to create a relationship, a context inside which you have a partnership with ego: you promise ego to not rock the boat, to not get into trouble, to go slow, to be safe.
- Step 3: you stay in frequent, preferable daily touch with ego, where you repeat your promises and request ego’s support.
By the way, ego can hear if what you are up to is b.s., if you don’t mean it, it just sounds good, or you are trying to impress someone. It will not help you with a project like that.
Once you get more practiced in talking to ego, you will be able to hear, in the echo, the energetic feedback coming from the ego, that you are for real, or that you are full of crap. Whichever is true.
With this, you handled hold-back energy #1.
You still have to deal with hold-back energy #2: the mind, especially its subconscious part.
You see, you have put all your ugly, disparaging thoughts about yourself into the mind. And the mind, just like any stupid machine, will accept and store, as the truth, all the horrible stuff you have said about yourself, or heard from other people. Lazy, good for nothing, stupid, sloppy, loser, worthless, etc. are all stored there, and the person who is going to try to create a better life for themselves is all the sum-total of that dredge.
Most of it is not true, much of it is irrelevant, some of it can be changed if it is important.
So, again, we’ll go to have a conversation, this time with mind. Beware, this will need some debating skills, logic, and reasoning!
You need to create a change in the stored data. The way you do it is with arguments, facts, logic, reasoning, examples, comparison, whatever it takes to prove to the mind that those stored statements about you are not true, or not relevant any more or for the project you are planning.
This is where schooling could have been useful, but most of you could not see how learning would be any relevant to life, so chances are that you are dull as a door-knob, and in that case this will not be very useful.
But if you have proved your mettle in life at all, your chances at winning these conversations, (potentially many conversations!) with mind are pretty good. Then, when you are done, with the help of ego, you can start working on the project.
Ego, in addition to helping you stay the same, is also your primary motive power source. Without ego you have no energy, you have no power to do anything worth doing.
Establishing and nurturing the correct relationship to ego is going to make the most difference in your life, in your energy level, in the quality of your life.
Ego is also at the center of the phenomenon: reticular activator, your target finding ability: I have written articles about that, search for reticular activator. If nothing comes up, check the spelling.
We haven’t spoken about your relationship with soul… this is because unless you have energy to fulfill on the soul’s purpose, the conversation with soul will just make you more miserable… So work on your relationship with ego, and your skill in arguing, debating with the mind.
Then, when you are good at it, we’ll talk about your connection with soul. OK?
In the meantime, here are the links to do what you need to do:
- connection calls to learn to connect to your ego
- coaching calls when you are ready
- The Procrastination activator
Read the original article: On Procrastination: part 2: the hold-back forces and how to have them work for you instead of against you