I have another word for allowing for you, that has always worked much better for me than the word allowing.
The other word is “having room for”…
You see, if you live in tight quarters, than everything that intrudes it, everything that you didn’t design to be there creates clutter, hinders you in your movement, cramps your style.
If you move into a larger house, that maybe even has a basement and an attic, and a few extra bedrooms, you have room for a lot of stuff… even for a lot of stuff that you neither need or want.
But you can afford the luxury to let those things be, you have them, they don’t have you… meaning they don’t have your goat.
To my surprise, people have no idea that their worth a damn factor has been neglected since they were little babies.
They get “encouragement” to not know that there is such a thing… and then they grow up to be seriously not worth a damn, and they suffer.
How does it work?
If you are consistently praised for being a good girl, a pretty girl, a smart girl… you’ll think that that is what there is to it. That is your ticket to the good life, to paradise.
This is an article I snatched from the New York Times…
What you don’t know is this: you teach your children to color inside the lines, never experiment, never make mistakes, to live in fear, and to experience little. To not even experience what they experience. To be little soldiers that will make you look good, while you attempt to live your life and give as little attention to the kids as you can.
Hell on earth…
One one hand you are protective, on the other you neglect them… And then you fell guilty.
Just look back at your childhood. You are stunted, and your children are stunted.
This article explains some of why… some, not all.
In the article of my own that I will publish today (it’s not ready yet) I will add some more clarity.
Caring for children shouldn’t be like carpentry, with a finished product in mind. We should grow our children, like gardeners
I am going to share, in this article, some of the judgmental sounding questions I ask when I try to get a full picture about someone who is asking for help.
As you probably don’t know, judgment comes from ego, from comparison. I am smart and you are stupid… that is judgment.
You are stupid isn’t judgment unless you feel something in your chest or throat as you say it. Unless it means something about you.
I feel nothing, or maybe sadness, when I ask these assessment question… that help me make sense out of the convoluted picture each person is.
So I measure your vibration… and it’s, for example, low.
In this series of Osho talks he examines stories from different ancient cultures. This is an excellent companion to what I teach. Enjoy!
ONCE, WHEN THE HASIDIM WERE SEATED TOGETHER
IN ALL BROTHERLINESS,
PIPE IN HAND, RABBI ISRAEL JOINED THEM.
BECAUSE HE WAS SO FRIENDLY THEY ASKED HIM,
‘TELL US, DEAR RABBI, HOW SHOULD WE SERVE GOD?’
HE WAS SURPRISED AT THE QUESTION,
AND REPLIED, ‘HOW SHOULD I KNOW?’
BUT THEN HE WENT ON TO TELL THEM THIS STORY..
THERE WERE TWO FRIENDS OF THE KING,
AND BOTH WERE PROVED GUILTY OF A CRIME.
SINCE HE LOVED THEM THE KING WANTED TO SHOW THEM MERCY,
BUT HE COULD NOT
Some ten years ago I learned a valuable way of looking at making life meaningful, or living a meaningful life. The teacher suggested that we pick a horizon, a direction, and then look what’s blocking the way of getting there.
Since then I saw that even seeing the horizon is blocked… Blocked by seven boulders, lined up one behind the other, blocking your view, blocking your movement.
So, in my coaching practice, when I ask people to set a direction, and they can’t see any, I am inclined to suggest that they choose the direction: living a meaningful live, or a fulfilled life… without specifying what it is.
The most popular image I have on Instagram says: Arrogance is weakness disguised as strength.
Now, why this is worth writing about?
Because it is the tip of the iceberg of something really important.
We have spoken about the selfish gene. For the gene you are a survival vehicle only. And a person, who is not related to you, is competition, rival… and in your gene’s way to make more copies of itself.
I know this is unfamiliar territory, but please bear with me, because where it is taking us is worth going to… so patience… you don
First things first: the saying is “become worth a damn.” But a lot of people consider damn a curse word, so they say “become worth a dime”… Oh well, here you have it. Become worth a dime… lol.
Second: let me explain the picture: no teacher is worth a darn, unless the student is able to handle, utilize what the teacher teaches. And therein lies all the difficulty you are experiencing.
As you can, maybe, track, I am becoming obsessed with learning to learn… or more precisely said, teaching you to learn to learn…
I had an interesting insight yesterday: you don’t know what it feels like to have courage available to you.
When you apply courage, it just feels like you are doing what you are doing, what you were afraid of. Normal.
Which indicates to me, that courage is a paradigm-shifter.
Paradigm is like a glass ceiling. A one-side mirror. When you are in a higher paradigm, you can see what is below you, but if you are still in a lower paradigm, you cannot see what’s above. In fact you don’t know there is something, anything.
If I asked you what will be the most important capacity to master in the coming years, you would come up with all kinds of capacities, but I bet you would not think of saying: becoming astute.
If you go to the online dictionary, like one of my students did, the one for whom I made this activators, you would not understand why that capacity is important.
I have another word for allowing for you, that has always worked much better for me than the word allowing.
Some ten years ago I learned a valuable way of looking at making life meaningful, or living a meaningful life. The teacher suggested that we pick a horizon, a direction, and then look what’s blocking the way of getting there.
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