How anyone has ever taught is wrong… and how it has lead to a humanity to being unhappy chasing happiness…

In this long and life threatening situation of mine, where I still can’t see the end of it… I have truly lived my invented purpose: ‘living on the edge, generating distinctions of transformation for humankind’.

Source says I saw more than the two I’ll share in this article, but alas, I can’t remember those. I guess i was too sick to retain those beyond the two.

I could be present 10% of the time… the rest of the time has been like a madhouse… scripted by mad TV writers, like loud obnoxious TV dramas I hate with a passion. There has been nothing I could do other than moan.

Because for 14 days now I could not lie down, I could only catch some sleep sitting up, leaning my head against something at the same height as my head… not the ideal position to sleep, so on average I slept less than an hour a day, in 1-2-3 minute increments. So the craziness had a lot of fertile ground in my feverish head.

I know I am talking about what was going on on the edge… but I want you to understand that most unexpected truths only reveal themselves in unusual, on the edge circumstances, places where only the most committed will ever go, and of those only a few will have their eyes open too.

And while on the edge, circumstances will not be to your liking, not in the least. Your job, my job is to see that a is a, it is what it is, whether I like it or not. And allowing a to be a, without making it wrong, without wishing it away, without making yourself or another wrong for it to be. Then you may be able to see something that in peacetime you can’t.

If you brought your thinking to the edge with you, then you won’t see anything new.

I don’t. I bring no thinking to the edge. I only bring the space of ‘being on the edge’ with me. I don’t even bring my person there…

It helps if you have an opportunity to be in conversation. One of the new things I saw, I saw in chunks, in conversation with Jodie, one of my diligent hardworking clients.

Source says I am not going to be able to sleep for another three days. I guess writing an article requires less lung capacity than sleeping.

Anyway: what I am not saying is that between sentences I need to lie my head on my arms for a minute or two or three, or I am too exhausted to write another sentence.

I could speak what I want to say into audios…. and have them transcribed but my heart would not be at the right place.

I would do it for a reason other than what I love to do: writing. Or speaking TO someone.

And that leads me to the distinction, the one that Ayn Rand meant to teach but didn’t… (In Atlas Shrugged) When your heart is at the right place, you do what you do because you love doing it. And the fact that others benefit is only something that you are OK with, but don’t consciously intend.

Every inhabitant of that Colorado Valley loved what they did, and had no problem pulling back their contribution. While the Johnnys come lately, the blonde railroad goddess, and Rearden, they were more committed to their contribution than loving what they did… so their heart wasn’t at the right place.

How humanity, you, have been robbed is twofold:

1. somehow you think that love is outside, that it has to come to you. that it is in the thing, not in you. That the thing has to be lovable, and then you’ll love it.

But it is not so. what you do and get good at you love. It is personal… We’ll talk about that later… I can’t say much more about it here.

2.The second way you have been robbed is that ‘they’ put your attention on the contribution… and said: love the contribution… or if you contribute you’ll be happy. Zig Ziegler says: you give more people of what they want…. and the result is utter unhappiness.

Whatever you love to do through hard work, effort, does contribute to others… you don’t have to worry about that.

Here is my struggle with illness, incurable illness according to every single person on the planet. (COPD late stage) I work on it and it contributes. Recent and real… When in doubt, make your mess your message. Not the complaining but the dealing with it, the hard stuff.

I find I don’t have the energy to talk about the other distinction that I saw… it has to come later.

So good bye for now. See you soon.

Read the original article: What I have been seeing straddling life and death